Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Reading Between the Lies

[[L A U G H A B L E]] * While making the rounds of my favorite blogs this morning, I came across Mark Kleiman’s delightful “Entries from the Republican-English Dictionary” at The Reality-Based Community site. Some favorite entries:

Cheney, Dick /n./ The greater of two evils.

class warfare /n./ Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

climate change /n./ Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

compassionate conservatism /n./ Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

girly-men /n./ Males who do neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.

healthy forest /n./ No tree left behind.

honesty /n./ Lies told in simple declarative sentences, e.g., “Freedom is on the march.”

liberal(s) /n./ Followers of the Antichrist.

Patriot Act /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.

pro-life /adj./ Valuing human life up until birth.

staying the course /gerund phrase/ Continuing to perform the same actions and expecting different results. (See: insanity.)

woman /n./ 1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can’t be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place.

To get your full load of chuckles, though, click here.

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