Limbaugh Mounts His Defense

[[C R I M E]] * Will Rush Limbaugh never learn? It seems that the formerly powerful right-wing radio talk-show blowhard was caught on Monday returning home from a vacation in the Domician Republic, carrying a bottle of Viagra that had been prescribed to somebody else entirely. What’s so significant about this? Because, of course, the 55-year-old Grand Poobah of Dittoheads, who has repeatedly attacked drug users in the past, was already the subject of an investigation into his own illegal purchasing of prescription painkillers, including OxyContin. In April, Limbaugh was arrested in Palm Beach, Florida, on a “doctor shopping” charge and released under the terms of a legal agreement that required, among other things, that he not be arrested for 18 months. Whether his being caught now with “little blue pills” in his possession--which he claims were obtained using a prescription written in his doctor’s name (“for privacy purposes”)--will be deemed a violation of the plea agreement that was supposed to protect him from further prosecution in the painkiller case ought to be determined over the next few days, according to the Associated Press. Already, though, Limbaugh has become the butt of numerous Viagra jokes, and he may have worse consequences to face, if his physician doesn’t confirm that the prescription was written with the talk-show host as the intended recipient of those pills. “The alleged violation could be a second-degree misdemeanor,” the AP reports.

Although Limbaugh’s remaining supporters are unlikely to be bothered to any great degree by fresh evidence of their pudgy idol’s hypocrisy, writer-director Bob Cesca makes a good case that they should be:

Rush has been married three times and most recently was dating CNN’s Daryn Kagan. But as of this date, June 27, 2006, Rush Limbaugh isn’t married nor is he dating Kagan. (Can you see where I’m going with this?) Rush is one of the most visible representatives of the right-wing’s moral values platform--the same values that include abstinence and strong words about the immorality of premarital sex. (Wait for it.) Intercourse and marriage are supposed to be all about procreation, right? I mean, that’s one of the reasons why Republicans like Rush and Sen. Santorum support an amendment banning same-sex marriage.

So if Rush isn’t married, why would he need Viagra?

An excellent question, indeed.

READ MORE: “No Satisfaction from Rush’s Problem,” by Brent Budowsky (The Huffington Post); “Of All the Things to Get Caught Smuggling ...,” by James R. Winter (Northcoast Exile); “One Former Dittohead’s Thoughts on the Rush Story,” by Jim Derych (The Huffington Post); “Rush Can’t Get Little Newt to Stand for Office,” by David Terrenoire (A Dark Planet).