You May Say I’m a Dreamer

[[M I R T H]] * Following on the heels of Monday’s successful “A Day Without Immigrants” protests, which were intended both to remind Americans of the invaluable contributions immigrants make to the United States and to denounce punitive Republican immigration “reforms,” Joseph Hughes, author of the Hughes for America blog, is proposing (with tongue firmly in cheek) a demonstration of another minority group’s clout: “A Day Without Republicans.”

Hughes writes, in part:

Think about it. How better could the Republican Party show America how much it matters than by staging a massive, nationwide walkout? How better could Republicans prove that they, in fact, are the party of ideas than by not offering any for 24 hours? How better could the party make us appreciate all that they’ve given us than by not lending their usual helping hand? ...

Without Republicans, lines at enlistment offices everywhere will surely be short. How can Iraqis feel the joy of freedom like a face-melting fire if conservatives don’t step up to serve their country? What’s more, how will we show Iran we mean business if the only ones left to fight are peace-loving liberal doves? Without Republicans to support our troops, the yellow ribbon industry will surely collapse, as will Lee Greenwood’s record sales. Besides, those prisoners at Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo Bay won’t torture themselves, people. ...

Without Republicans, imagine the unprecedented void left behind by an at-home religious right? The nation’s gays, women and immigrants would have free reign to destroy America with their loving relationships, ownership of their own bodies and desire to pursue the American dream. Who would pray for the deaths of sitting Supreme Court justices or the demise of entire cities? Why, those terrible Islamofascists would for one day have the monopoly on physically assaulting those who oppose them. And we can’t have that! ...

Without Republicans, who will remind us that there’s a price to pay in this country for being underprivileged? Hurricane season is fast approaching. If disaster strikes again, a day without Republicans would mean a day without the afflicted region’s poor feeling the double sting of tragedy followed by administration neglect. Plus, those down on their luck will forget that their laziness is the problem. Or that the best insurance plan is praying that they don’t get sick.

Without Republicans, who will do the deciding typically left to the Decider-in-Chief? Should President Bush take a day off, enjoying a rare respite from Washington, who would be there to nullify laws with contradictory signing statements? Or authorize the warrantless wiretapping that keeps us safe? Or involve us in the next war intended to bring about the End Times? Americans will learn they can’t afford a Commander-in-Chief who goes AWOL for the first time in his life.

On the list of posts I wish I’d written myself, this one ranks right near the top. Keep up the excellent work, Mr. Hughes.