Sunday, January 08, 2006

Hello? Is Anyone There?

[[I N N O V A T I O N S]] * When it comes to personalizing cell-phone ringtones, why stop at bits of classical symphonies, old TV theme songs, or snatches of familiar movie dialogue? Monster Tones is already offering former President Richard Nixon’s infamous “I am not a crook” statement to alert you that your aunt Clarice is dialing in from Dubuque. But that might only be the beginning. Imagine offering as ringtones some of the dumber remarks uttered by Tricky Dick’s successor in secrecy and paranoia, George W. Bush:
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

“I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job.”

“We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates.”

“I’m the commander--see, I don’t need to explain--I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.”

“I’m also not very analytical. You know I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things.”

“See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.”

Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job.”

And, of course, my personal favorite:

“If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.”

Artwork borrowed from This Modern World.)

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